Maybe the people with the most to give are the ones that have lost the most
or maybe
they’re terrified that one day the sun will rise and set and leave them behind
or maybe
they’re convinced that inevitably their body will lock their brain outside and never let it in again
or maybe
they’re just nice.
why does it seem like kindness is never enough?
words-and-teardrops
1.10.18
12 going on 21. Love going on divorce. Life going on death. Just numbers playing on meaning.
words-and-teardrop
1.4.18
Ideally, confidence would radiate from my bones and shine through my skin. I would glow, as radiant as the golden sunset cast across the Boston skyline.
Never again would I need a nightlight, for energy would emit from my
soul and dissipate even a hint of darkness.
Ideally, I would walk in tall and proud on the first day and their eyes would follow my golden trail. They would realize right away, that I’m a girl who can do everything and anything.
My idealizations always fall short of reality.
Confidence never seems within arms reach. Somehow, it always seems to lie waiting on the other side of a jump.
But see, the problem is that Point A is where I’m starting and Point B is where I need to go and my jumping skills are toddler level at best which is to say I can barely stand without my knees wobbling on most days.
Still, I try to make that jump.
And the moment my feet leave the floor, I become an ephemeral sunset.
Maybe one day I’ll glow golden for a few seconds longer
words-and-teardrops
1.3.18
If God had DVR enabled, do you think he would pause us?
Do you think he’d let us love each other forever, in our little infinity of reality.
Do you think he would rewind all our good times and watch them over and over again? An infinite loop of love.
Would he forward through all the broken plates and broken hearts, jagged promises and jagged love. And the screaming, the shouting, the insanity–would he dwell on it all?
Do you think he would have found solace in our flawed reenacting of love, with our inexperienced tongues and our oh so young hearts. Do you think we would have touched him?
are we anything special or are we as mediocre as we fear
words-and-teardrops
4.8.15
(via words-and-teardrops)
Everyday, it strikes me as miraculous that people find each other. They could start their journeys on opposite ends of the earth, having no idea where they’re headed, and yet still make it to each other’s arms. And yes, sometimes people slip each other by–they get lost or give up too soon. But sometimes they find each other, and it’s magnificent. Because we are so small, and the world is so big, and it seems impossible that two people could ever stumble into each other’s grasp and know that they were meant to hold on. But they do, and I swear, it’s a miracle if I ever saw one.
(Source: daniellemanahan)
(Source: over-thinking-shit)
You’ll meet her and you’ll know straight away that it’s her, and then she’ll make you feel.
She’ll make you feel happy, i don’t mean the kind of happiness you experience on a day-to-day basis, i mean she’s such a sunshine, she’ll make flowers grow inside of the darkest parts of you. When you’re around her, your eyes will light up and this grin will be pinned back onto your face, even when you’re not around her someone says her name and automatically everything feels so, good and you sit, blushing.
She’ll make you feel angry, when she tells you about how other people treat her, you’ll feel your stomach drop because you know this girl deserves the whole planet, she deserves to hold the sunsets and night skies and the sea and all the most pretty colours and the smell of chlorine - she is the whole planet, she holds the same beauty as all the wonderful things that exist here, if not more -
She’ll make you feel jealous, now jealousy is perceived as wrong, an ugly thing to hold and yes, maybe it is but i can’t help but think about how i wish i was them.
She’ll make you feel excited, when she’s nowhere near you you’ll feel a buzz inside your chest, the buzz that says you’ll see her again soon and then when you do see her it’s the level of excitement a puppy feels when they see their owner come home, you will feel a strange energy run through you.
She’ll make you feel nervous, when she touches you, fuck. Your whole body will change, my hands sweat excessively more, your stomach will go crazy with butterflies, you’ll feel shaky. Even when she’s not around you think about her and you still experience these roller coaster feelings.
She’ll make you feel real, like you actually exist and she’ll make you feel safe like nothing can ever hurt you.
She’ll make you feel
and so, when she leaves, she takes her warmth away with her and everything you know leaves along with her but she’ll stay running through your mind, constantly, echoing and echoing and echoing.
(Source: sunlumiere)
It goes like this…
All your life you’ve been walking along this shore with a handful of people. These people, they’ve each carefully, precisely, methodically threaded a piece of string through their heart,wrapped it around their wrist and passed it along. All their hands clutch onto that piece of string. The string that doesn’t fray in the storms or flirt with the wind or dry out in the sun; the string that keeps all of you together.
But one day, one of them drops the string. Drops its carelessly and without a moment of hesitation walks away. They start retracing their footsteps, as if that simply erases all the long hours spent walking on that beach, as if they believed they would reach a point on that beach that you hadn’t been on if they walked away fast enough
And then someone else follows.
Dropping the string.
Turning around.
Never looking back.
And another one leaves.
And another one.
And another one.Until finally, you’re the only one left holding the fucking string. The fucking string that never felt heavy before but now wears on your heart relentlessly. All these years walking never felt difficult, but now you struggle to put one foot of the other and struggle to find a purpose to any of this.
you start leaving and I don’t know who I am anymore
words-and-teardrops
8.14.15
It’s funny how I still find pieces of you stuck to my heart
when you, like a weed growing beside a rose, suck the life out of me
This girl, oh shit, this girl, she knew her shit
1) A smile remained as constant as a school uniform. Even when she had no one to share it with, even when she sat alone on the bench of the playground, she smiled. And it wasn’t a show, it wasn’t some full fledged Broadway performance. She smiled for herself. Not for some silly boys or giggling girls, not for her parents or siblings or distant family members who all probably cared too much. Purely, honestly, for herself
2) She didn’t need other people to keep the darkness at bay. The black hole of misery didn’t swallow her whole when left alone for a second too long. Activities never equated distraction. The concept of absolute dependence and addiction to people, however seemingly harmless they were, never crossed her mind
3) There was this innate confidence in her soul that held up her spine and her head. It splattered her actions with neon paint, and ensured that no point in her life stayed too dark for too long. She stood up in her fourth grade class and claimed to everyone that she was going to become an author almost as famous as J.K. Rowling
4) She openly loved and ran too fast to give those people hugs and screamed I love yous from the top of her lungs without the fear of someone else hearing. The trust she held for everyone around her stayed stable without a hint of doubt
5) But, she doesn’t exist anywhere. Not anymore. Maybe I accidentally killed her off in my sleep one night or maybe it was a gradual regression into nothingness. All I know is that she hasn’t existed for a while. And shit, do I miss her. I miss her innocence and her simplicity, the way she never harvested thoughts about her body parts splattered on top of pavements, how she thought everything in the world could be fixed with a smile and a kind word.
I’m trying to gather up all my brokenness and piece it together in the hopes that I’ll finally find a way to function again
words-and-teardrops
8.5.15